Menopause/Bless The Walnut Remedy/For Men Too

When the menopause comes, and the hot flashes become unbearable, what can one do to alleviate the symptoms? I had forgotten all about Walnut.. How could I? I tried all sorts of things, natural herbs, Peruvian roots, Chinese herbs, and still I saw very little or no improvement at all.

Then the light came. As I was translating the booklet of the Bach Flowers for my sister who does not speak English, Walnut said “the remedy for transition, teething, puberty and menopause.” How could I forget the Bach Flowers?
So I made the usual remedy bottle, and a week later, I felt something was missing. The hot flashes! Oh my, the remedy worked so well that I did not even realized that the hot flashes,which had been bothering me day and night for the last six months had not been there at all! Wow!  It has been almost two weeks now, and it is still going rather well, I must say. And I can’t believe I went through six months of hell for nothing!

Walnut is the remedy for transition times. For teething, puberty and menopause. It is a remedy that helps break the links and ties with what was before so that we can move unhampered into the new cycle, whatever that might be.
When we move home, when we change school, when we get married, when we split up from someone, when we start a new job, when we change from one thing to another and we find it difficult and stressful.
It is a remedy that assist us in any life transition and makes the passage from the old to the new smoothly and effortlessly. The link breaker.
And so I have yet again, redidiscovered the wonderful power of the Bach Flowers!

Now, for all those men who have a little giggle at the word ‘menopause’, it’s worth pointing out that this time of life strikes them too, just that nobody has told them and so they don’t really know about it.  I have heard men complaining of feeling ‘unbearably hot’ all of a sudden, and breaking out in a sweat.
Well if you are past fortyish, chances are you are going through your changes to! The hormonal imbalance called menopause does not favor women only, I am afraid.

So blessed be the Walnut tree and the wonderful remedy that has been so amazing in helping my hot flashes and blessed it be, for those men who are willing to take it too, and for all those other times that we could do with a little hand with our stresses and bothers…

Writing My Book

‘Healing Is A Daily Business’ (my book) was a huge sweat. It took me seven years to complete. That’s because it was not  a pretty straightforward book, like chapter one, chapter two and so on. It was an extract of four years of journaling, which started in Septemberof 2001, after I went to a seminar of Barbara Marciniak. During that weekend, I had my spiritual awakening, the big one, for I had been spiritual all my life. But something happened over those two days, because after I got home I started my writing. It was a compelling writing, I had all these memories coming through, memories of the past that I did not know I had and with those, I was getting amazing insights about the human emotional make up.
I spent basically four years writing furiously, some days I would be sitting at the keyboard for ten hours. I could not stop.
Then at the end of 2005, when the flow of info slowed down, I contemplated what to do with all that material. It was a hell of a job to put together what eventually became ‘the book’. It took three years, during which more than once I just wanted to pack it in.
Slowly and painfully, the manuscript started to take shape. Start from here, take this out, change this, stop at this and so on. Once the first draft was done, I took some time away from it. When I went back I had more ideas on how to start it but not how to finish it, and I knew roughly what I was going to keep in the middle.
More work to do, more editing, more headaches. It was only, eventually in 2006 that it started to look like a book. Hurray, I was finally through the first hurdle.
Other worries lurked ahed. The book was now ready for more editing, but… too personal. I agonized as to what to leave and what to take out. It  was still very autobiographical. What reaction would I get? I was far too concerned about other people’s opinion.  And so I continued to change and correct and delete and add.
Few people helped along, but in the end I was the one who had to decide what the final product would be. And finally in June 2008 the book was out and I went to Italy for three weeks.
I showed, a little shyly, the finished product to my friends and family. My mother’s reaction left me numb. In the short space of three weeks, I lost interest in what might come of my baby.

When I came back, I did not want to talk about it any more. After the first fifty copies were sold to friends and clients, the first twenty pretty fast, and the others not so, I did not want to touch it again.
A year and a bit has gone by now, more healing has occurred. I picked up a copy,  I looked at the spelling mistakes which I was aware of, and  that inevitable are in any book. I looked at the grammar, the layout, and all those things that I overlooked, because one, I was too tired and two, I did not know about certain rules with printed material.
I cringed slightly, realizing how much needed correcting still, but decided to get over it. The content is what matters. And the content I am very happy with.
What matters the most is that the healing that happened in the process is what I apply again and again, whenever I need to clear something. It is priceless, as some of my clients will say about the healing sessions.
The fifty copies left are the witnesses of my hard work. The second running will be much more neat, of course, but with the copies left, I have decided that instead of looking at them with my typical, critical Virgo eye, I am going to really nurture and honor all the energy and tears that have gone into it.

So far I have had two extreme reactions from the people who bought a copy. Some people could not put it down, and for them it was the start or the clarification of their spiritual journey. For others, they could not read it, could not get past the first chapter.
I have learned not to be affected by their reaction either way. Of course when I get a good feedback I am pleased, but when I don’t get one, I am not bothered.
My book is in your face, there is no hiding and no lying, and so it can make people feel uncomfortable.
The aim was to take the readers onto a journey that would inspire them to do the same. We are not alone in our misery. We are all creatures of emotions, all reacting in the same way, all wanting the same thing; to be loved and to be accepted.

Fear and Safety

There are some fears that are healthy and some, most, that are not so.
Fear is an emotion, optional, generated from within in response to events. We generate fear and we absorb it from others. Children absorb their parents fears and apprehension and then they act them out. Our pets absorb and mirror back at us our own emotions.

When fear is healthy, it keeps us safe, when it is constantly produced in response to actions we would like to undertake, it stops us from doing anything with our life. Which in turns creates other emotions, resentment, anger, envy, and so on, which add to the luggage of the emotional field and then we start to get ill.

During the mercury retrograde I noticed how much fear I still had in  my body, and it was not mine. I had agreed to take on my parents’ fears, and their beliefs with regards to life. I remembered how to please my mother I would accept to take the role of the fearful girl, when I had no fears. My heart was full of excitement and enthusiasm, but she was always saying no to anything I wanted to do. She was afraid, I was not, and that was an insult to her. She was the mother, she should know what to expect from the world surely!

I had a lot of work to do, in releasing my needs to still believe that the only safety I had was what was offered, with all the abuse that came with it. Consequently I continued to manifest what I believed to be the only safety I could experience. People who would abuse me, but that would say they loved me…
It took a lot of courage to dig up the crap and ditch it for good. We clear one program and we need to create another. Can’t help it, we are biological machines that operate on programs. These can be imposed from our parents, teachers, friends, television… or they can be self created….
How liberating! Once I have undone the old programs, I just reprogram myself and for as long as what I want comes from integrity and awareness, I get just what I ask for.
Safety is not something that anyone provides for us, safety comes by knowing that we are safe. When we are children we are still reasonably free of conditioning and we are connected to the invisible field of energy. We don’t fear for our safety, until someone starts to tell us, or to download on us their fears for our safety and theirs.
Safety is a state of mind, there is no shortage of safety. We can choose to continue to see the world as unsafe, full of crooks and thieves, and we shall continue to get just that.
Or we can say that we are safe, because that is what we want and we start to explore experiencing safety in everything we do or wherever we go. It is a benevolent universe, it is our fear and fearful expectations that create actions that create damaging outcomes.

In my book “Healing Is A Daily Business” I explain this in details.

So I gave up my need to please  my mother, by accepting what she was telling me:
‘The world out there is unsafe, the only safe thing is your family.’ But my family was very dysfunctional, my father was very abusive, and my mother was an incredible manipulator, how could it be safe?
Without any recrimination, I just let go of the whole need to change anything, and with great awareness and love for who I was then and who I am today, I stated that I am the only source of safety, I create safety in my life, by thinking safe, by telling myself over and over that “I love myself” and that I am only available to draw to my life safety, joyful and fun growth, and that everything I want to learn I now learn without fear of upsetting  my mother’s beliefs.

 

Isabel Had Five Kittens

Isabel had her second litter. Five kittens.
A very different experience from the previous one. I was not with her this time. I had been out for most of the afternoon, because it was such a sunny and gorgeous day that I had to spend it outdoor. When I came home, I could not see her anywhere and then I heard a faint mieow coming from under my altar. There she was looking a bit sheepish, “sorry, couldn’t wait any longer” she seemed to be saying.
Four tiny things, two sets of identical kittens. They looked so alike, each one pair, that I could not tell them apart. She did not look frightened or exhausted, just  busy cleaning them. Obviously, having had the first litter only four months ago, she knew what to do this time.

I set up the box that has become their cozy home, and before she went in there, I noticed that there was another bump on her stomach. So I just waited for the last one to come out, which did not take long, before moving them. Five healthy kittens… wow, where were they? Once the mess got cleared up, they all got transferred into the box, with a nice, warm blanket and clean sheet that had been waiting for them. Everyone relaxed.
This was on the last Sunday in September. The kittens are now almost two weeks old, and they are growing fast and fat.

The boy kitten from the previous litter has taken on the catsitting role. At first he was just really curious and inquisitive. He wanted to play with them, to no avail. Then as he watched his mother licking and taking care of the newborns, he started doing the same. Now he helps her out or takes over when she goes on pee or poo break. It’s quite extraordinary to watch. Can male cats have nurturing instincts like the females? Maybe they never get a chance to be around the litter…

Isabel is not worried about the little boy being involved, she lets him get on with it, and they have started playing with each other again, just like they did before she was heavily pregnant, when she turned pretty nasty on him.
Cats have such different temperaments and personality. I had forgotten about that. The boy is very gentle and he has never scratched me once. While I still carry the marks of Isabel’s nails, when she used to play with me a year ago.
Will be interesting to see what the new babies will be like. Two of them are the exact carbon copy of CJ, the little boy.
Gorgeous little things.. Hope won’t be hard to give them away this time,  like it was with the other ones.

To be continued…

When Mercury Is retrogade, Just Take a Break…

It has been a while since my last post. I did mention Mercury retrograde. For those who are into astrology they will know exactly what that means, for those who are not it means f… all.
Without going into an astrology lesson, for which I would not be qualified, Mercury, the planet of communication goes retrograde three times a year and it creates havoc in our lives. Whether we believe in astrology or not, we are all  influenced by the planets, and if we are aware of that, we ride the waves instead of being crushed by them.
So I did. I did ride the waves and got out of it drenched, dripping wet. It was not fun. Things came up again emotionally, parcels went missing, letters that I never received turned up a year later…with a parcel that was sent later to replace the missing one… It was utter chaos. The chaos that we experienced as a result of the postal strike, which by no means is over yet… I just had a chat with the postman who told me directly why they go on strike, and I felt an immediate camradism with him. So did not complain any more.
People are inspired to do things in a good or disruptive way when Mercury is retrograde. It’s almost like…we can’t help it.

Now we pick it up from where we left it and we get on with what we wanted to do before. So if you noticed a lack of energy, enthusiasm and joy during the September month, it was because of the confusion that this planet, when it goes retrograde,  brings about. Not that confusion, depression and lack of joy don’t strike at any other time, it’s that during this time it is just really chaotic and confusing more than usual.
It is only a passing thing, but nevertheless one has the duty to look at what comes up emotionally, and instead of running around like a headless chicken, take the time to remember and to resolve.

Which is what I did. It was very intense, and it was very painful, but it was worth it. Now I feel I can focus again on plans and projects and feel that I can enjoy life again with a different attitude.
These phases come so that we can do some revision on our life, take stock of what works and what does not and then make the necessary changes.

It is with renew enthusiasm that I start the end of this week… getting back into the pleasure of writing, of listening to the tapping noise of my fingers, as I touch type on my keyboard.
Life is never plain sailing, at least not for me. But this time around, I choose not to miss one opportunity to clear my system of fear, whatever that fear might be, mine or others’.

And so we are back on track.

First Commandament: Don’t Judge…

In a chilly September morning, sitting on the train, headed to the other side of town, for an appointment with my Kiniesologist. I was feeling warm and cozy,  wrapped up in my woolly jumper and scarf. Passengers getting on and off, at different stations, nothing major to be disturbed or distracted by.
A pregnant lady got on, no seats. The guy with a big belly had just taken the last free one. Just as I was ready to offer mine to the mother to be, he got up and kindly let her sit down. She blushed with embarrassment and obvious relief. Next station, some people got off, the big belly guy got another seat. I was watching lazily around, not thinking very much. I was feeling quite good with myself; had a big smoothey for breakfast, one with the raw chocolate, the green alghae powder, and the peruvian root, can’t remember the name of and a banana. I was feeling peaceful and content. I like my little day out once every six weeks or so, an hour and a  half journey, door to door, to see this lady who is a very talented practitioner in her field.

At the next stop, the typical train quietness of an ordinary day came to a halt. Two very tall, blond American girls got on, chatting very loud about their business.  All eyes turned onto to them  who oblivious to everything,  continued their ranting.
I watched them just like everyone else. Totally, inappropriately dressed for the weather; wearing nothing more than a flimsy vest and skirt, so fakily blond, tons of make up, not particularly pretty either and a bit cumbersome,  and … so  loud. I think I had company when I started to feel slightly irritated by the lack of consideration on their part. We might have not particularly wanted to listen to their latest gossips.
I am Virgo and it’s a cinch if I don’t watch it, to start being really bitchy. We are too critical for our own good.

So as I was getting down to dissecting them thoroughly, I caught myself. I thought “Why am I being so judgmental? They are loud, yes, they are wearing silly clothes, they might not be miss universe, but who am I to judge them?” Why do we have to judge people just because they stick out so much from the crowd?

I felt ashamed, and taking a deep breath, I thought, ‘Let’s be  neutral here. Everyone has the right to be, wear and do what they want. They are not bothering anyone, they are just being themselves, and they are obviously comfortable with the way they are.”
One glance across the carriage, I could see everyone thinking probably what I had been thinking… and I smiled. We are so caught up in ourselves, that anything out of the ordinary creates the need to judge and to be irritated, and perhaps embarrassed too. I felt embarrassed on their behalf. How absurd!
The girls were obviously not bothered about keeping to the code of silence that is abided by all in the morning on the underground. They were friends, and they obviously had things to catch up on and did so.

I don’t travel very often, and almost always alone. I don’t talk to anyone, what would I say to a complete stranger? I tried once, to talk to a chap who was carrying a heavy musical case, and he looked at me as if I had just landed from Mars. Just because I was being friendly?
Life in the big city has made us all defensive and worried about what anyone might think on that train in the morning going to work, just like I thought unflattering thoughts for those two who could be free to just be…

To not judge takes practice.

I Take It All Back

I had this theory that if you were to let a mama cat keep the kittens until they were old enough to leave,  both kittens and mother would not suffer the pain of separation and the mother would not go off and get pregnant again…
Well, that’s my theory gone out of the window.
Isabel (the cat) had four kittens and I decided to keep them for 12 weeks, as that being a  reasonable time, until they were  ‘weaned off’ their mother and so old enough to go solo.
When the twelve weeks were up, I was still I agonizing over the thought of  giving them away, fearing that they might not end up in nice homes. I felt guilty and terrible,  until the moment I finally gave two away. I kept the other two.

Three and half months down the line, the mother not only  has gone off them completely, which is a pretty natural thing to do, but … she is pregnant again… So much for being so sure of my theory…

Maybe because Mercury is retrograde, or maybe because I have had a few insights, I have now realized that I have  projected onto my kitties my own emotions. And that they, loving and caring as they are, took on my distress and let me believe that that’s how they felt.

The two kitties I gave away, went to loving homes. They are doing wonderfully well, they are loved, spoiled and pampered. The two kitties I decided to keep, are very playful and affectionate with each other and with me. Something that Isabel (the mother) has never really been.
She has gone,  from feeling so proud of her brood, to ignoring them completely and feeling jealous if I pet them for too long.
Might have I be setting all this up unconsciously to heal family dynamics? There is a strong possibility.

In the meantime, I am left with a pregnant cat who is almost ready to give birth and with the notion that I got it wrong… I underestimated the wisdom of nature…

I won’t resent Isabel giving birth again, no, I loved it last time, and I am looking forward to her having the same experience again, in comfort, safety and love.
But this time, I won’t feel so sentimental about giving away the little ones. This time, I am going to look at it in a different way. Everyone is going to get pleasure out of this, and there will be no one losing out.
Isabel will enjoy her second experience of motherhood,  I will have the joy of having been part of the experience, for surely I did enjoy it last time… and the kitties are going to bring much joy and happiness to those people who will want them.

Mercury Retrograde Has Been Hitting Hard

Mercury went retrograde on the 6th of September and will stay retrograde until the 29.
For those who don’t know what that means, it says this ‘ the s…t might hit the fan again’ and so be ready.

When Mercury, the planet of communication, goes retrograde we need to stand back a little, and not make any hasty decision about anything, as old issues come up again.  Yes, ‘holy moley, yet again..’
They come up again, just when you thought you had dusted them all, and you could just get on with your life.

Mercury is hitting hard. Prepared as I was, I collapsed back into old loops of reacting to others in ways that I thought I would not any more. Memories of feeling unwanted, of having to always compete with my younger siblings, as the guilt of having been given more while I was the youngest… the curse of the middle child. They get resented by the older siblings and then they find themselves resenting the younger ones…

Too personal to go into this so publicly, but enough to write about so that we can all take a step back willingly embracing these new waves of dust, for it is only dust really, coming from a distant past that still lives intact in some pocket of energy waiting to be dis-charged and understood, perhaps for the last time. Understood with the new understanding that comes when consciousness expands and we are ready to embrace greater truths.

The greatest truth is indeed that we have chosen this life, and chosen the events that stopped our greateness. It seemed that it was our younger sister with her whims that took away the love, and that the guilt for having had more than the older sister, has stopped us from becoming enormously successful. All excuses… We created or better, co-created everything, so that we would experience those emotions that we still find hard to come to terms with.

There were no mistakes; we chose to have those unhappy and limiting experiences so that we would learn our lesson about love, humility and truth. The great truth is that we are not responsible for anyone’s emotions, that we cannot make anyone happy or unhappy, and that when we sacrifice our life because we think our genius is hurting and humiliating others, does not help those reacting to our genius to find their own genius within.

We are all incredible powerful beings, and we are all here to remember how powerful we are, how we used to have all those skills that now only a few seem to be blessed with.
This Mercury retrograde is bringing back more than we might have bargained for. The power is potent, if we can intend to  use it to open up, to wake up, to remember who we are, and to release the pain of the limitations we have had to endure for so long, it will bring great rewards.
We are almost there. For those who are willing to remember, what better time to intend to do so?

And so in the midst of the fan spreading manure, we pick up the little hidden gems, and we remember the origin of being human, and we shall be those superhuman again, and we shall use the power with great love and compassion.
The shift into the fourth dimension, the shift into operating from real, true and authentic love..remembering…where we come from.

Red Chestnut

Would you believe it? I would have never thought of Red Chestnut. Of all the remedies I have been taking of late, Red Chestnut was certainly not one of them. I was not aware that I was so concerned for the welfare of others, kittens and Isabel (the mother cat) included.
Something happened a couple of days ago that pulled me off my center and I did not like feeling out of the flow again. I did a healing, but did not feel done. I thought I’d better look up some Bach Remedies…
When I am lazy I look for what remedy I might need in the booklet: ‘The Back Remedies Repertory’ by F.J. Wheeler. I bought it ages ago, £2.25. It’s a very thin, handy manual, for quick reference…

I was just looking at the headings, and the word ‘concerned’ caught my attention. Concerned over details, Crab Apple. Concerned for others, Chicory or Red Chestnut. I went on browsing and the word ‘Over-anxious’ caught my attention again, over-anxious for the safety of others, Red Chestnut.
I thought about what had happened with the incident from a couple of days ago, and I realized that I do worry, and have a tendency to be over concerned for other people’s well being, in a way that is  far too out of proportions. And then it all started to fit like a puzzle. Of course, it started at a very early age, I always felt other people’s pain for others, and I always wanted to do something to help.But looking back I can see that already then, I would feel terribly sorry for those people in pain, and felt helpless that could not do anything other than to worry about them.

By worrying and being concerned for others, it is implied that we believe that those others we worry about cannot take care of themselves and that they are victim of fate. How can that do any good? It is not concern it’s pity!

What a slap on the face! I thought I was being loving, instead I was assuming that people are incapable, weak and feeble and that they are at the mercy of the elements… Oh boy, that’s not really loving at all, that’s pity and pity is so dis-empowering… It reinforces other people’s fears, it depletes our energy, because we can’t do anything  and no one is any better off for it, other than to believe that we care or that they care for us.

All we do when we feel sorry for others is to increase the amount of fear being produced from us and from them. What we fear we create! How careful we have to be!

So I took some Red Chestnut. I added two drops to the little bottle with other remedies in it.  It did not take very long before I started feeling myself again.  I had taken so much trouble to  wanting to help and make it better for someone, when they actually are doing pretty well without my pity or my need to save them/the world.
They are on their path, they have to do, feel, live, be, whatever they have chosen to do, live, feel, be, and they will come out of that when they are well done with it and ready. We/I cannot go around, even if with the best of intentions, telling others what to do, or what is best for them.. How presumptuous!  How can we know what is best for someone? We don’t even know what is best for ourselves!
Would we like it that someone would do the same to us? I hate it when my mother is so concerned about me, so worried about what I do, my finances, the state of affairs of my  heart! She worries so much, as a sign of love. If we don’t worry we don’t love? BS…man, BS.

It is fine to offer our help and it is noble too, but…without  the pity that somehow seems to be inevitable, or compulsory. What is more powerful however instead of jumping in the ditch with the ‘poor sods’  is to send light and good thoughts, so that the person/people receiving that, can see a way out for themselves. Good uplifting thoughts gives people a shot of energy, instead of making them feel weighed down by our worries on top of theirs.
Light is a wonderful way to protect your loved ones, including your pets. By sending light, calling upon their spirit guides and their higher self, asking them to look after wherever they are is the best way to ensure that they are always safe.

I must say, I have spoken of the difference between pity and love in my book “Healing is a daily business”, and isn’t that surprising that things are never fixed and that we easily fall  in the same pitfall again?
Well, it is out in the open now, and I can already see the difference it is making to my interacting even just with my next door neighbor!

Friday Full Moon @ 16.03

It’s full moon again, get ready for your moon paper… and to take stock of what has come true from last month.

The moon is full today @ 16.03. Put your piece of white paper out. You might want to put it inside a plastic folder, those with holes,  for the weather is not terribly clement of late. It’s September and it’s raining, and where is the non existence summer gone? Too fast, too soon, it’s all over and done with. But we keep our spirits up, for September can be a beautiful month.

So if you have time to do a little ritual, exactly at the time of full moon, fine, if not, any time in the evening will do.
It’s time to check what happened over the last month, what has come true, how much you have grown, what things you still want and what new things you might want to list to write down on the moon paper in two weeks’ time.
The preparation for a ritual is always the same, whether you do a healing, or you want to write things down, or you just want to do some energy work. The idea is to tune into the energy of the full moon and use it to create some good things in your life and in that of others’.

Light your little candle (or not so little), sit comfortably, close your eyes and take a nice deep breath. You want to relax, and breathe gently for a bit so that the brainwaves can slow down and you can access your subconscious and then your unconscious mind. We store our memories in the subconscious and through the unconscious mind we are connected to everything (hard as it might seem to anyone operating only with the conscious mind all the time).

As you breathe gently, call a pillar of light from the top of your head, and let it run through your body, through the chakras. Let the light anchor itself through the root chakra into the earth. Allow the light to expand all the way into your surroundings and extend it as far as you want, you can embrace the whole earth if you like.
Focus on your heart chakra, connect to your love vibration, produce some love, and give it to yourself. Acknowledge what and who you are, give yourself all the love and appreciation that you might want from others. Say thank you to yourself for all the things that you have done and that you are proud of, and look at the things that you would like to change and/or improve.
Without judgment, as you breathe gently and slowly, move into the ‘zone’ or ‘gap’ and intend to experience a feeling of well being and of being connected to the loving energy of the universe. Yes, it is a benevolent and loving universe…

Once you feel love, send it, with the light to all those people who are in fear, in darkness and in pain. Send it to the people you love who you want to help out, send it to those who you don’t even like, and seek the lessons within the experiences you have with those people. What are they showing you about yourself that you might want to either stop or improve?
This is not meant to be a healing session, it’s just a bit of energy work using the energy of the full moon. It does not have to take too long, ten fifteen minutes is enough. Then you can focus on yourself and on all the things that you want, from the heart. Picture yourself having those things, and feel the feelings that you would feel if you had them. Energise those feelings, and see yourself having those things.

Then when you are done, make sure that you bring yourself back into your body, by removing yourself from whatever you have reached out to. Shrink the light into one beautiful beam that will stay with you connecting you to the earth and to the cosmos. Take a few deep breaths, feel yourself fully back and present in your body and open your eyes. Whatever you have focused on, you let go, and don’t question how it is going to come true, and continue to go about your business as usual.